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Post by jordan on Feb 13, 2015 18:14:13 GMT -7
Throwing this up in advance.
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Post by jordan on Feb 17, 2015 12:38:28 GMT -7
Alright guys, Gotham City #1 is out. It's a bit long, and the times are very important, but I hope you guys really enjoy it!
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Post by Infinite Silentking on Feb 17, 2015 18:18:31 GMT -7
Characters: 7.5/10 (You have a nice array of characters. Not fully fleshed out, but I suspect that will be remedied in the coming chapters. I am also interested in Amazing Man) Story/Writing: 8.5/10 (My main complaint is that for telling time you should use colons not periods. Otherwise the writing is great as ever, and the ongoing story is very interesting.) Ending: 6.5/10 (The ending was the weakest part of the story. It seemed like an attempt at acknowledging that we are about to enter a cliffhanger but came off as a lame joke.) Entertainment: 7/10 (I really didn't like how it ended which cost you a half a point or so. But it got my attention and kept it throughout the whole story. But it never had me stop and wonder about what is gonna happen next and I didn't connect with the characters next. Still can't wait for more!) Overall: 7.375/10
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Post by Drake on Feb 21, 2015 10:57:04 GMT -7
Sorry I didn't get to this sooner.
It's a decent start. I have no problem with the length, and if anything it actually allowed more room to establish the characters.
As far as the writing goes, this was probably one of your best issue I've read. The grammar errors were few and far between, and everything read smoothly. The characters came through, and the mysteries you provide are enough to keep me on board. However, I found myself bored reading this. I think that's more my fault than yours as I have a natural bias against supernatural Batman stories. For me, magic and Batman don't really mix, with maybe the exception of Dr. Hurt.
Also, your Batman's totally unlikable. He's just a raging douchebag. The way he treats and thinks of Alfred really stood out to me as uncharacteristically harsh. I guess if he was self-righteous that would be one thing, but he doesn't seem to like anyone or anything. I'll admit it's only the first issue so that could change rather quickly. I don't know. We'll see how you develop him.
The reveal at the end was still well done, and I'll keep reading to see if there's someone for me to attach myself to.
7/10 if only because I really don't like Magic Bats stories.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2015 11:27:43 GMT -7
So, the first of the Infinite DC titles is in - and, of course, it's Batman!
The introductory bit, is quite good, gives us a taste of what's going to happen. Like SK said, you have a nice odd mixture of characters, which is always a good thing.
Couple of content things - You do some repetition. There's a section where you say Constantine lit the cigarette with his fingers, and then say "almost like magic". We understand that Constantine has magic abilities, or maybe he doesn't, but the act of lighting the cigarette with his fingers gives that impression. You don't need to add on the "almost like magic" because the reader gets that.
Two technical things, exemplified in this piece of dialogue;
"You run a marathon this morning, Montoya?" Jim asks, his eyes never staring away from the body.
"Just raising a kid. You know how it is." Jim rolls his eyes and lets out another sigh. Boy, does he know how it is.
1) it was confusing. Did Gordon say both pieces of dialogue? because it wasn't clear.
Secondly, when you're following on dialogue with something after the last speech mark, it should be a coma, not a fullstop.
So, "Just raising a kid. You know how it is," Jim rolls his eyes....
You get the idea. A Fullstop is only when the dialogue is all there is, so;
"Just raising a kid. You know how it is."
So other thoughts - Interesting version of Amazing man, but wow, Bruce is a major, major dick, huh? Sort of echoing what Drake said, it's tough to get behind someone who is such a massive dick.
I kind of like the joke about the telling of the story at the end though - yeah, it's needlessly cliffhangery, but it's the sort of playful dickishness that Constantine revels in.
Not sure that Batman should have heavy knowledge of the Supernatural, or why the age of the Middle Eastern Urn was important, but those are two different things.
If you increase the likability of Batman, I think this is certainly a goer, but at the moment, there's nobody to root for, except Constantine, which kind of begs the question...why isn't this a Constantine title?
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Post by Infinite Silentking on Feb 21, 2015 11:38:09 GMT -7
I need to reread the story because Batman didn't come off as that much of a jerk to me. Not more than usual. And supernatural Batman is one of the things that has me interested in this.
Also, I think this is more a story about Gotham itself than Batman. Plus if it were called Constantine or Hellblazer or Constantine: Hellblazer, we would probably complain about how old John was barely in it. I would.
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Post by jordan on Feb 21, 2015 16:39:38 GMT -7
Couple of my reactions to your guys' reactions:
I'm happy you guys, at least mostly, enjoyed this issue. I put a lot of work into it. SK, as V points out in his comment, ithe cliffhanger really is more a piece of Constantine's character than it is anything else.
Drake, I'm sorry you don't like magic + Batman, but not every case will be magic and Batman. But, like SK said, Gotham City is about so much more than just Batman. That's why I have such a diverse cast. Batman, works in the shadows and breaks a few laws to keep his city safe. Gordon, works by the law, the commonman protecting his home. Constantine, slightly anti-hero-ish and representing the dark magic that resides in Gotham. Amazing Man, the higher ideal, what everyone wants Gotham to be. Gordon will next to never deal with magic or heroes, but stay mostly groudned, while Batman is kind of the conduit between all these worlds, dabbling in magic, dealing with heroes like Superman/Amazing Man types, and fighting common street crime. As for Bruce being an asshole, it's just the beginning of his character arc.
And for your technical comments, V, I'll keep those in mind. I didn't actually know those things. Also, my "like magic comment", if you look further in the story at the final scene, I repeat almost the same line as Constantine lights another cigarette, but I say "magic" in the last scene. It's a trick I learned for episodic writing that stray things like that kind of tie everything together to get you to remember what happened earlier in the story. It was done 100% on purpose.
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Post by Stardrifter on Feb 24, 2015 15:05:45 GMT -7
I agree it's one of your best works that I've read. Its a strange cast of characters to bring together, but there's potential. I'm with Drake in that I don't really like the idea of magic getting involved with Batman in Gotham. When he's with the League he's dealing with bigger threats, but Batman and Gotham should be down to earth IMO.
Still, I enjoyed the issue. Your usual overly dramatic opening was more reasonable this time. I heard Matt Ryan speaking every line of Constantine's dialogue, which was well written. I thought the Montoya twist with her being Batman's contact was nice. It's clear he has a past of some sort with Gordon, but who knows if they're friends or not.
Keep em coming.
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